7.3

Crap. I thought I hit 8 this week and that sounded so good, but then I realized that couldn't be right based on the whole 40 weeks vs 9 months dealio, so I found a calculator online and I'm...7.3. As in months pregnant.

That's not nearly as milestone-sounding-y.

But it is over 80% complete, so that's something, right?

I'm not really in a rush to be done, because I'm quite far from being ready, so why this even matters, I don't know. I have been pregnant a really long time though, or so it feels. With Playette, I found out late. With her brother, I found out super early. It is what it is.

You know what I woke up thinking about this morning? Weight gain. Specifically, weight gain due to pregnancy after losing 52 pounds and then gaining back six, but who's counting.

I haven't done such a great job with this whole weight thing. I thought I'd do fantastic since I was thoroughly Weight Watchers-ized and in really good shape last summer, but the first trimester had me losing my mind by eating things regularly that used to be treats or Absolutely Nots. And then the whole working out thing went away.

So I'm up 30 pounds. Totally my fault. But strange all the same.

I didn't gain this much with Playette. I think it was 25 pounds by the time I gave birth.

But, then again, I started out 24 pounds lighter this time.

This is boring, I know. But it's what I've been thinking about.

You know, when I'm not busy stuffing my face with Pop Tarts.

At least they're not buttered.

Updates & Stuff

I finished Insanity on Tuesday. I wanted to make a really big deal about it and shout it from the rooftops, but since I'm not sharing pics, I figured I'd hold back some.

I don't know if I didn't think I'd make it through to the end or what, but for some reason I never took before pictures so that I could make a comparison. With my body, I think comparisons would be necessary since the changes are pretty subtle.

So, yeah, no flashing of the belly on the interweb for me.

BUT! It went well, overall. The plan is 63 days and I was pretty diligent. I followed the calendar as closely as possible, taking one week off for an unrelated back injury and another couple of days for a sinus infection. I started on May 16th and finished on July 26th.

I got my butt kicked, in case you were wondering. I feel stronger though and I'm a lot more confident in my bathing suit. I consider that a mission accomplished!

Oh, and at one point, I had lost like 7 lbs, but our whole Season of Celebration in June/July took care of that. I pretty much broke even in the weight department.

Now, I'm trying to decide what's next. I haven't done anything but eat Chik-fil-A and Blizzards since Tuesday and I'm starting to feel antsy. I signed up for two races this week, one in October and the other in December, so I know that running needs to come back into the picture very, very soon.

=====

I went to look at a private school for Playette yesterday. The wind was kinda taken out of my sails. After the one-hour tour, I informed the lady that the kidlet has 47 chromos and I saw her face change. The smile remained, but if you've been in that situation, you know what I mean. In her eyes, this was not awesome news. She proceeded to ask me questions about the closeness of Playette's development to her typical peers. She told me that they don't have the staff to support her if she requires one-on-one instruction.

What is up with this whole "one-on-one" thing?! That's the same thing her jackhole teacher said in out last "meeting." I'm starting to second-guess myself. Does my child need a shadow 100% of the time? Am I being unrealistic?

The lady did say that they'd "be willing to try anything." Which, yay? I mean, my kid is a kid, not a monster. "Anything" kinda alludes to her being the worst of the worst and they're doing us some sort of favor.

Grr.

Maybe I'm just being way sensitive. I also recognize that I went in with really high expectations after another parent told me that her kids (one with Ds) have gone there for years and they were excited for the opportunity to work with Playette.

Maybe something changed?

So, yeah, since I haven't heard anything back from the school district, I'm making moves to set something private up. I mean, what else can you do? What they're offering just isn't good enough and, as many people as I've spoken to, it just doesn't seem that the program I requested can ever be a reality. Deadlines have been missed. Which, don't get me wrong, IT PISSES ME OFF! They passive-aggressively allowed this to happen and that doesn't escape me.

But at the end of the day, I will not allow my child to suffer because of their ignorance.

Now I just need to find the right place to pay to teach our child.

And hopefully treat her humanely.

Out of Character

So, last week, when I was feeling all motivated about the NDSC Conference, I checked Kayak and saw a pretty good price for tickets. Well, as good as they come these days. Flying is 'spensive!

"Ah, cool. I'll go back and get those later."

[cue the laughter of the universe]

Of course, when I went back, the tickets had gone up over $100. Each.

And since BD needs to come home a little earlier for work, his ticket was already more than ours to begin with.

iPouted.

To put it mildly.

Seriously. I was pissed like someone had stolen the money out of my bank account. In my mind, I knew that I never had the tickets to begin with, but still. I mourned the loss of that money and all that I could have done with it. Like buy really big cupcakes.

Thus began the obsessive checking and re-checking of Kayak.

I put a daily reminder on my phone, but there was really no need. All on my own, I checked as soon as I woke up, before I went to bed, and sometimes in between.

My chest got all stabby as the prices kept going up and up and up.

I began feeling bad about registering for the conference because, if I hadn't, we could just bow out gracefully, right?

*sigh*

And then this morning it happened. The clouds parted and a fare that was $5 less than the first elusive one popped up. BD's ticket had gone back down as well. Oh Happy Day!

They're still 'spensive, but what're you gonna do?

I bought them.

And it took forever, what with all the verifying and extra security measures that you have to go through. They also threw in the need for yet another password to use my debit card and I had no freaking clue what that was so I had to recreate it and then, of course, I remembered the last one when I tried to make that my password and they were all "you already used that one." Ugh.

But, anyway, we're going. For sure now. On an aeroplane. Or six.

That's what I get for trying to do stuff all early.

And I know that I need to take the Kayak app off of my phone immediately because if the prices go down again? I.WILL.LOSE.IT.

As a reminder, for anyone heading that way, there are discounts available on AirTran (20%) and American (5%). Not that I got to use either one. *grumble grumble*

Also...today is Day 10 of Insanity, in case you were wondering. This whole ticket thing kept me from working out....What? Do it now? But, but...Fine then.

I'm pouting again.

I still want a cupcake.

Update?

There is no update.

The teacher was supposed to call me back regarding Playette moving to the morning session, as we had planned and discussed ad nauseum in June, after a meeting they had about the topic at noon.

That was a long time ago and everyone has long gone home, I'm sure.

I did get a call from the Special Education Student Support Services Director though. Awesome, right? Progress!

Except, she rushed through telling me that they needed us to fill out the transportation paperwork since we failed to do so at the IEP.

Wow.

She was at our IEP. In her office. Where BD and I filled out every paper they gave us, including one that said we had to allow them to "restrain" our daughter on the bus. I had a problem with that. And then they explained that, basically, the 5-point harness seatbelt was considered a restraint to them and if we wanted her strapped in, we had to agree to it.

I hate being told that I haven't done something when I know good and well that I have. Or vice versa.

She had someone fax me the paperwork - the very same paperwork that the Associate Superintendent confirmed that she had last Thursday - I filled it in, and I faxed it back.

Then, I called the Special Education Student Support Services Director back and told
her voicemail what I had been trying to tell her whilst she kept cutting me off and rushing me off the phone.

The voicemail and I had a much better conversation.

I reminded the voicemail about the restraint paperwork (that we "didn't" fill out *cough cough*) and how if it truly was necessary, could they please send me that to fill out again, too, please?

I mean, if you're going to try to play me, at least send me the complete packet to fill out againsomemore. It's not like I have anything else to do with my life, right?

By the way, I've upgraded to snacking on pita chips and edamame dip.

At least that sounds healthy.

Though I still love me some graham.

Oh, and I ran four miles. Like this situation, it was tortuous, but at least I burned calories.

I also had a very good conversation with an advocate/mom in the place where we may move to next. We chatted about schools and she basically talked me off the ledge. So that was good.

Tomorrow is another day...

Busy, Part I

So, I'm always saying we've been busy, right? But busy doing what?

When I got back from my two-week trip to NY, I had one day to rest up before taking on another challenge that Sunday morning.

Remember when I told you that I completed a 10K? And how I didn't used to be able to run 40 yards without crying and/or hacking up a lung?

Well, it was all in preparation for the Big Sur Half Marathon. The girl that used to have anxiety over "running" a mile ran 13.1 of those jokers.


You can see the "stuffed otter" that sucked any remaining energy out of my body at mile 10 at about the 1:28 mark in the video. He was a cute energy-sucker though. Right in front of the aquarium. Loved that.

It was an absolutely gorgeous day and I actually enjoyed myself.

I mean, of course at mile 1 when I was searching for the marker, sure that we'd run at least 2 miles by then, I never thought I would finish. I was scared that I'd bitten off too much, too soon. But then, after about mile 3, it got better. My toes weren't as cold, the view was amazing, and I was inspired by seeing the stellar athletes already on their way back to the finish line. Shoot, I wasn't mad. Good for them!

And when I saw BD, Playette, and a friend waiting at the turnaround around mile 8 with encouraging signs that included "Playette's Momma is Awesome"? Yeah, I kinda had to keep going.

Since I'd never done anything like this before, my original goal was to simply (simply? ha!) finish. That's it and that's all. Oh, and I wasn't allowed to stop running. Or use an iPod. ( <-- FNPT's version of torture, though she did make it up to me with a commemorative charm for my bracelet. Yay!)

I did it though. I set my personal record.


I'll post some more pictures soon. Promise. Though not the official ones because they always seemed to catch me with my belly hanging out and flapping over my pants.

Not. Cute.

Oh, and I really should try to run again because I haven't since the 15th. I would hate to end up right back where I was 7 months ago.

Inspiration

This blog isn't about me.

It's not even just about Playette.

It's about our interaction, what she teaches us, and how her mere presence influences our lives.

So when we're not together? I can understand why I feel like I have nothing much to say.

That's really what's going on now...I'm missing my baby, my inspiration.

BD is taking very good care of her though. They're having some great daddy-daughter time. I'm almost convinced that them sharing the couch together yesterday is the reason that Navy beat Notre Dame.

I will soldier on though, committing to posting more often this week than last.

I hope I don't bore you.

So what have I been up to over the past week?

Well, as I mentioned, I'm residing in NY temporarily. Yes, I was just here six months ago, but here's the deal: In the sect of the Navy Reserve of which I am a part, a license is required. That license has to be renewed every 5 years. If you don't work in the industry that requires use of that license (which I don't), it becomes a very expensive and cumbersome process, in part due to new regulations that require additional certifications.

Sounds fun, right?

So here was my choice: Take a class I needed and pay $2000 for it or turn it into another Active Duty two-week stink and get paid (twice even! I still get paid by my full-time job when I'm on ADT) to take it. Ick. Though it's far from being all about the money, I think most people would agree that it's really difficult to remove that from the equation completely.

Now, if I hadn't taken this course? I couldn't renew my license and, therefore, risk the possibility of losing my place in the USNR after 11 years of service. Of course, that could still happen. There's a very crucial test I need to take and I get itchy just thinking about it.

*breaking to scratch*

BD and I decided together that I should work towards renewing my license. So here I am.

What's kinda cool, though, is that last week consisted of some things that I just don't get to do everyday. Like firefighting (the instructors were awesome - this was my fourth time going through this type of training and it was my best experience). And Personal Survival Training (think: jumping off a 3 m diving board into a pool while wearing an immersion suit, donning a life vest and performing various exercises, and jumping directly into/righting a turned over liferaft, just to name a few). Those parts were more fun than I expected (well, minus the high dive, which made me realize that my fear of heights is real). Plus, I'm now re-certified in First Aid and CPR again, which is always good. These things are all intended to keep me safe onboard ship in case of an emergency.

After my Basic Safety Training was complete on Friday, I proceeded to sit on the highway for 736 about 5 hours (only due to some insane traffic) so that I could come visit some friends and family while I'm off for the weekend. I feel really fortunate to be able to do that. Really. My friend, J, remarked yesterday that she feels like she sees me more now than she did when I lived in DC.

So I've experienced the bitter (to me) cold and the wonder of the changing leaves. I've done some bargain hunting (yes, I'm packing that whole wheat spaghetti in my suitcase to take home - it was only 50 cents!), had good conversation and laughs. All in all, a very nice time.

I even kept up with my running, starting by the Art Museum, down Kelly Drive alongside the Schuylkill River, passing the boathouse. It reminded me of those (very few) days I was on the crew team in college.

In our 5,011 years of friendship, I think the only time J and I have run together may have been the one mile I hacked my way through in high school JROTC. It was nice to be able to have her to help me get through this particular run. I bet she believes me now that I talk almost the entire time (I promise that I tried to keep my mouth shut - FAIL). Hey, whatever works.

I'll head back north in a bit. But first, waffles.

Heads Up

I don't really have access to email right now. So, if you're trying to reach me and I seem non-responsive, that's why. I got the bright idea to come to the library on my lunch break and see if I could do it from here and I can.

Please bear with me as I try to catch up on correspondence.

Today is another beautiful day in? on Long Island. For all of my independently wealthy multi-millionaire friends hahahahahahaha, I highly recommend the real estate here. Kings Point is absolutely gorgeous and I can't even get over it right now.

That last statement has me feeling like such an old lady. I really sound like one, don't I?

Anyway, so I not only don't have access to hotmail, but I also lost the computer I was using in the office since the guy whose desk I had for the last two days decided to come back from vacation. Boo on him. For realz.

I received a ridiculously tedious task today that may very well take me until the day I leave to complete. But that's why I'm here, right? So help I shall. I really can't complain except about how uncomfortable my uniform is, except that's no one's fault but my own. And maybe Playette's. And BD's. And my former job's. And any other entity I can pass the buck to.

Oh! On that note, I tried a Zumba class at the gym last night. hahahahahahaha It was kinda fun and the time went fast, which is a great combination, but did I ever feel uncoordinated?! I might give it another try tonight since I have a 1 week pass to the gym across the street from my hotel.

Lemme know if you have done/currently take Zumba classes. Do you like it? Does it get easier?

One last thing. Today as I was sitting with my tedious task, one of the younger reservists that's also here came in to ask the admin assistant a question. He prefaced it by saying, "We must be r*tarded, but..." Ugh. Ok. What to do? He was talking about stamping some envelopes and clearly meant that it was a task that anyone should be able to do and he couldn't. So I said, "I'm sure a r*tarded person could do that." He just looked at me with the "huh?" look so I elaborated. It took me a minute to decide if I should or not, but I did. It's still so very uncomfortable for me to do so, but I didn't want him to walk away thinking that I was calling him dumb because he couldn't get the stamp to work and I knew it was quite possible that would be what he received from my statement. I told him that my daughter is developmentally disabled and I find that term offensive. He didn't say anything back and I was a little shaky after I did it. But I did it. So there. Gold star and all that.

And then another guy, a former classmate of mine, came in and was telling me how his 3 month old is 18 lbs. Good grief. I'm not sad about that or anything. It's just a comparison that I'm dealing right now with since he's almost the same size as Playette at almost 2 years old.

Spring in NYC

Ok, this is more like it. Warm, sunny. Oh, I love it.

The place where I'm doing my reserve duty this year is actually the same place I went to college. It's kinda surreal knowing that this year's freshmen could probably not even write in cursive the year I graduated. Geez.

I went for a run walk earlier and I was amazed at how beautiful everything is here. I mean, this town. Whoa. It's full of mansions and perfectly manicured lawns, all close to the water. Plus, it's just a short car/train ride into Manhattan. How did I not appreciate this place when I first began to live here 15 years ago?

Well, today, I started appreciating. I went further down the main road than I ever have before. I would ask what I was doing the four years I went to school here that prevented me from venturing two miles away, but I know the answer to that.

I looked at all the houses. I talked to the guys building the new construction. I sang songs that brought both strange looks and thumbs up my way from the drivers and yard workers, respectively.

And when I got to the end of that road, I cried.

I mean, there I was in this beautiful place and the thoughts started to come. Thoughts of all of the other things I've surely taken for granted. Thoughts of being young again and naive enough to believe that I was invincible. That the undesirable things of my past were behind me and that the world was open for me to live out my wildest dreams. I thought of how I did the "right thing" for so long, but it never really made me happy. Oh, man. It got heavy.

But it didn't last long.

It was an itty-bitty pity party.

Sure I've had more than my share of winters, but spring is here today and I'm going to enjoy it.

Over the weekend, I had a great time with BD and Playette. We arrived very early on Saturday morning and were picked up at the airport by a friend who drove us into Manhattan to our hotel at Herald Square. It was a really nice place, new and clean, just like I like 'em. They even let us check in at 7 am, which was an unexpected treat.

Playette was loving riding in her carseat with our new Travelmate. In fact, whenever we would just be hanging out in the room, she'd climb back in it just to sit. We also found out on this trip that she loves cheesecake, courtesy of her Auntie D.

Saturday was a whirlwind. After we woke up from our naps (red eye flight wore us all out), we went to meet with my aunt who had just come into town for the weekend as well. After socializing for a bit, we left my aunt, cousin (the one that hates me, but whatever), and his girlfriend and went to meet Auntie D, who so graciously offered to take the bus in from DC.

Not long after, the group of us headed over to Staten Island on the ferry for a gathering of friends. It was a lot of fun and Playette was the center of attention, which she loved. Everyone was so excited to meet her.

I had such a good time riding the ferry, the subway, and walking. I miss the city, y'all.

On Sunday, we celebrated my second Mother's Day by having lunch with some more friends (I'm laughing because it sounds like we know so many people...and they all live in NYC. Ha!) followed by a trip to Central Park. We met many of the same friends from the previous day at Bethesda Fountain. Again, it's hard to believe that I lived so close to such a place for so long and never went there. I love it now though. It was a great day of listening to music, checking out street performers, eating snacks, taking pictures, people watching, and talking. Playette loved the jazz band best, I think. There were so many pictures taken and I'll surely share some when I can.

That night, BD and I went to the finale party for The Amazing Race while Auntie D enjoyed some alone time with Playette. Yay for the grown-ups! We've been lacking in the "time alone" department lately due to the (hopefully temporary) loss of respite with Ms. J..

It ended up being a very long night for me since I had to report to reserve duty at 8am Monday and still needed to pick up my rental car from the airport and check into my hotel after the party ended, but it all worked out.

I even got to go back into the city for a fantastic dinner last night. If you know Top Chef, it's Harold's restaurant. I still have goosebumps from the desserts and I only had tastes from other people's plates!

BD and Playette are now back in Cali and I'm hoping to make the best out of the time that I have. I could have left work long ago, but I couldn't resist my last day of access to this computer.

And those are my notes.

Countdown to home: 10 days

Today...

- Playette woke up way too early. I somehow convinced her to sleep in with me.

- I ignored the fact that I hadn't been to Kickboxing in two weeks and continued to sleep.

- I had tortellini and pesto for breakfast.

- My mother showed up.

- I had a run/walk/vent session with FNPT.

- I looked for handkerchiefs online.

- I learned that the ideal handkerchiefs are hard to find and/or quite expensive to purchase in bulk.

- I realized that I had no idea what proper attire is for a toddler at a Memorial Service.

- I got upset and cried over all the things that seem to be happening all at once that I don't know how to "fix." Things that include, but are unfortunately not limited to, whether or not to change Playette's daycare room, a more frequently unreliable respite worker, new job anxiety, conflicts with our landlord, etc.

- I wanted to get out of the house so off to the outlets we went.

- I enjoyed some In-N-Out for lunch, topped off with a milkshake. Felt a little better.

- I finished the first chapter of The Memory Keeper's Daughter in the car.

- I picked out some shoes.

- I laughed because Playette refused to walk in one pair. It was like she was stuck in one place.

- We watched her walk in two other pairs and subsequently bought those. I'm still confused over whether or not Playette is "ready" to wear these yet though. Ugh.


- I found a dress. And a shrug. Very cute. Appropriate?


- I bought boring, yet necessary, socks.


- I read Silly Sally at least 5 times. At least. And I love when I get to "tickle Neddy Buttercup" every single time.

- I finally convinced Playette that going to bed is not the enemy.

- I'm writing my first obituary.

- I may eventually get to eat dinner.

That Running Thing

So I did 1.5 miles with the Friendly Neighborhood PT. I made it. She said we can do it again next week which means that I will most likely spend the next 6 days freaking out about it. For those that know me, you totally know I'm not kidding. I see you nodding your head, Cristina (affectionately known in our house as CRG, Crazy Running Girl - yes, we like acronyms).

FNPT did guess that I was 35 lbs lighter than I really am though, so I think I'll keep her.

Wait. That was probably one of her "run whisperer" tricks, huh? Tell me that I look like I'm already at my freakin' goal weight to inspire me? I'm so on to her.

Gotta go. Playette just lit up the room...and not in a festive holiday-type way. More like an "I can't breathe! Gah! What is that?" kinda way.

And since we're on the topic of accountability...

I got on the scale this morning.

I knew I had been gaining wait since Boot Camp and the subsequent month I spent with a trainer. I was doing so well! Traveling for a month did me no favors, for sure.

But I had no idea, specifically, why type of damage had been done.

Until now.

I now weigh just about what I did when I gave birth to Playette 18 months ago. Ugh.

That's a damn shame.

So, yeah, feel free to ask me what I'm doing about it.

I did go to the gym today.

Go, me.

Pffft.

SITREP

So I've been slacking. You know that and I know that. I've just been so busy.

I'd like to take a moment to bring you up to speed on a few things I've talked about here:

Your Baby Can Read - I TiVo'd the show, but I haven't had the opportunity to sit down and watch it yet. Hopefully I'll be able to in the next day or two. I really appreciate the feedback Michelle provided on her experience with the program. That lets me know up-front that if we invest in YBCR, we need to make sure to take the time to follow the program to the letter. Geesh. Sometimes that's the hardest part! (Exhibit 1: Exercise DVDs)

The Dilemma - We got to go to the shindig! Yup, my very sweet co-worker came through in the clutch. She's met and spent time with Playette before and they really enjoyed one another. It was a really good match. I hated to have to ask, and really was prepared to just stay home, but she was glad to do it so WOOHOO! It was only two hours and, sure, the students/spouses may have been the youngest people in the room by about 67 years, but it was still cool to get dressed up since we don't get to do that very often.

Cookie Party - I ate until I was sick. Like, I literally came home with a booming headache that I attribute to the embarrassing glutinous show I put on at work. Even though I got some really good ideas from you all regarding how to show up the rest of the office with my mad cookie baking skillz, I folded. For one, I am what some call cheap frugal. I had purchased some cookie mix not too long ago when I had a coupon and it was on sale at the commissary. Since I had water and eggs on-hand, here was my opportunity to actually use what I purchased instead of having it packed up in two years when we move again and then getting "that look" from BD when it was unpacked on the other side because we just made way too much effort to move expired cookie mix.

So, yeah, that's what I did. I made bagged oatmeal and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Blah. I just learned last night that the reason they didn't even come out that great, despite the fact that I put no additional effort into them whatsoever, is because I didn't let them cool long enough, thus creating some weird looking aeration thing where it looked like the cookie was a shell of its former self.

One day soon, I'm gonna make a carrot cake so that I can redeem myself. I make a really good carrot cake. Or maybe I should say, "I have a really good carrot cake recipe and when I make it, I tend to actually follow the directions most of the time."

Work - Work is work. It's been very interesting lately. Suffice it to say that I'm glad to be taking a few days off very soon. More about that later.

Take a Break?

Eh, I guess not. It's really hard to do. Blogging is definitely a new addiction and after doing it for 31 days straight, it just would feel odd not to say something.

Too bad I don't have that same level of dedication for working out anymore.

I went and had a CT scan this morning. Painless. Short. No bigee. What I am a little nervous about is what it's in preparation for...I have a Brochoscopy scheduled for Friday morning. Supposedly it won't be much of an issue, but, well, I have in my head that they're removing some lung tissue and - ick. That just doesn't sound good to me, no matter how you slice (heh) it.

At least my doctor's name is Heal. That helps ease my anxiety some.

Today was my first full day back in the office in weeks. And it was crappy. I don't even know what to say about it because I don't know who reads this anymore. I like to think it's no one, but how bad would I screw myself even further if I'm wrong and I just went on a lunatic rant? Well, damn. We've got bills to pay and I don't need to take any more risks.

Wanna know where my child is while I'm sharing my thoughts?



Pardon me while I go google "How to be a Better Mother".

It's Like Chrismukwanzakah

I just got home from the Bootcamp End Celebration and I had my hands full. A t-shirt, a workout journal, a gift card, and a certificate. If you can believe it. Out of everyone that participated in the before and after weigh-ins and measurements, I lost the most inches overall. "WOOHOO!" I say. I'm going to try not to over-analyze and just accept it for what it is. Can a sista get another gold star for that?

So do you want in on my plan? Ok, listen close. I'm done with Bootcamp (it just doesn't work well with our schedule next quarter), but I have committed to meeting with the instructor, a personal trainer, once a week. I figure she can work me for that hour and help me plan a few more workouts to complete on my own for the rest of that week. We can also talk nutrition, which I suck at maintaining, and it will be much harder for me to hide because there's no group of buff people surrounding me. Just the two of us. I need that type of accountability. Plus, since I've agreed to work out in here home gym, the rate is extremely reasonable. Everybody wins. I also need to get in the habit of being able to do this kind of stuff on my own. I relied so much on my Tae Bo classes in the past that when we moved here, I didn't know what to do with myself and I did nothing as a result. I hope this will teach me how to motivate myself anytime and anywhere.

Full Disclosure: I haven't worked out since Wednesday. My bag has been in the backseat of the car for two days and...nada. I have to get some workouts in this weekend. I never said this was going to be easy. I am super out of shape and overweight. Don't let the certificate fool you.

Also, I need to set up 3, 6, 9, and 12 month goals before I see her again.

Feel free to ask me how it's going.

===================================

Oh! Playette starts swim lessons tomorrow. I've been waiting for this for MONTHS! We signed up for the next available class back in June and this was it. Figures that she has a cold and can't actually participate. Boo.

But we're going anyway. BD said we paid and we're going. Dry and all.

Long Weekend

Not much going on here, really, which is a good thing, I happen to think.

Playette's PT has been on vacation (the good one, the real one) so we didn't have an appointment this week. The ST's office is giving us the run-around, so we got a welcome break from them over the past 7 days as well. The other PT came to the daycare on Friday and I chose not to join in as I usually do.

Since I started working outside of the home again, I've been coming into the office late on Thursdays so that I could participate in the PT/OT sessions, but as of the last IFSP review, the therapists are changing their schedules around. I've decided not to beat myself up about not being omnipresent and just go ahead and pick one day a week like I was doing before. I'm choosing the OT, the least objectionable of the two and I think she's choosing Wednesdays, which means that I'll only have two sessions to attend at daycare per month instead of four, as I was doing previously. I'd also like to take Playette to a "Mommy and Me" type group on Wednesday mornings, so this might work out well. I've still got some figuring to do.

The figuring has to do with the work situation that is better (*whew*), but still evolving. I did talk to my boss about what my issues are and she may have actually been listening, but regardless, the support I've received from you good folks and some others has allowed me to take a personal stand and adjust the few things I have complete control over: my attitude, my reactions, and my priorities.

And you know what? I feel better. I still have my résumé out and I'm still scanning the possibilities as they make themselves known (4 referrals to hiring managers in the last week!), but I'll address the options if/when they come. The reality is that I like what I do outside of the sometimes ridiculous conditions and the type of flexibility I have in my current schedule is not something that comes along every day. If I were given a choice between an alternate work schedule that allowed me to come in at noon every Wednesday and $20K more annually? Well, it wouldn't be as easy of a decision as it may sound to some. If I can get those Wednesday mornings with my Littlest where I am? Well, I would be one happy mama.

It's all about balance.

And then there's also that whole thing about the devil you know.

What else...

- BD and I went to the movies on Friday night. After, I had a tasty blue martini. Again, our sitter rocks.

- I went to the library and out to lunch with a friend to a Thai restaurant that I like. Why don't I do that kind of thing more often?

- I started reading one book I checked out [Side Note: How sweet is it that all you have to do is request a book at the library and then 2 weeks later they send you an email saying that they purchased it and have it on hold for you? Is our library special or have I been missing out on this kind of perk forever?!]...

- ...and then made Pumpkin Bran Muffins from a recipe in the second book I got. I'm feeling pretty proud of myself today!

- My last Saturday session of Bootcamp was yesterday. I think I will be in pain until next Saturday. At least. I can barely sit and BD had to carry the Littlest down the stairs for me.

- And speaking of "stairs" check out what my girl discovered was a good peek-a-boo tool:





A broader view of her play area, which I love due to the fact that none of the crap that builds up there is viewable until you're right up on it. Plus, I could think of no better way to make use of that space:



Spying the paparazzi:



Hope you're having a great weekend!

Oh, and could someone find a way to stop me from eating 2 dozen muffins, please? Thanks.

Sundae Evening

I've got ice cream on the brain today. Actually, I've been obsessing about it for a while now. Thankfully, when we went to Costco earlier, they were giving out all kinds of good stuff (steak, turkey sandwiches, organic juices, etc) and amongst it all was a nice display of brownies and vanilla ice cream. Mmmmm, brownie sundaes. When I was a kid, my mother used to buy us those once in a while. I remember leaving Safeway with a box of four (they were the size and shape of Klondike bars) and being lucky if they all made it to our freezer. It was only a 5 minute ride, but still. And the worst part was that, at that that time, there were 3 of us living in the house. 3 people, 4 brownie sundaes. Yeah, it got ugly sometimes. But it makes for an entertaining memory. It's amazing what sticks with you for 20 years.

You know, I've looked for those things in the frozen food section for YEARS and I've never seen them again. I wonder if they just didn't sell. Preposterous!

Hey! Anyone else seen those Sonic commercials with the fried ice cream milkshake thingee? Man, I want one. On Friday night, I tried to organize a caravan when I found out that the closest location was a mere 83 miles away, but it didn't work out. Tell me if you've had one...are they as good as they look? I've said this before and I'll say it again: TPTB at Sonic should be ashamed of themselves for showing commercials nationwide when like 90% of us don't live anywhere near one.

How pitiful is this track my mind is set on? And I wonder why after getting up at the crack of dawn for 7 weeks and getting my butt kicked that my body is still exactly the same as when I started. But is thinking (and writing) about crap food really enough to widen my waistline? Nah. We all know I love the snacks. I guess I just have to try harder in that area. I probably won't do Bootcamp again, but I've got a new plan up my sleeve. Something has to change because our family's schedule/budget just can't sustain another session.



I keep giving my child crackers and she keeps dropping them on the floor and grabbing receipts out of my "to be filed" pile and putting them in her mouth. I can't win. Then again, maybe she's helping. I really don't need grocery store receipts from June, so forcing me to throw this crap away because it's all drooly isn't such a bad thing.

Why, yes, those are brownie and carrot juice stains on her new outfit. Nice catch!



Ok, now she's swooshing the pile all around. Not my beautiful pile! Hmph. Now it's messy. Before it was a nice pile and I could fool myself into thinking it was in some sort of order. She's exposing me, y'all.

Kinda like this blog.

Date Night

In my 8 months of experience as a (remote part of) California resident, I can say that I'm still not impressed with the services available for Playette and other children that stand to benefit from Early Intervention. As a matter of fact, earlier today, BD looked at a piece of paper I had brought home from Thursday morning's OT session and said, "Oh, that's nice. We've only been doing that for months already." Yeah, we pretty much teach the (free) therapists around these parts. Yes, yes, I know. You get what you pay for.

Funny how in VA, you got a lot more.

Anyway. I didn't start this post to bash CA (grr - maybe another day), but to say that they do have one thing I like. Respite Care. For us that means babysitting. We get a certain number of hours we can use each month to have someone come over and take care of the Littlest One while we either take care of things around the house or do like we're going tonight, go on a date.

This respite thing isn't completely easy though. Of course, you have to find someone you like. If you're a local, you have the option to have the Regional Center pay someone you know, which I think would be great if it were an option for us. But, since it's not, we had the trial and error approach. Luckily, we only had one error. She was a nice enough lady, I guess, but I couldn't get past the feeling that things were "not exactly where I left them" after she had been around. Plus, she didn't provide any feedback on how things had been while we were away - she'd just grab her stuff and high-tail it out the door. I didn't think that was too big of a expectation to want to know how the night went. Hmph. So, yeah, she was not requested again. She did fold baby clothes though. I liked that.[/something nice]

Come to think of it, she was our third pick. The first one was a no-show to our meet-and-greet and the second person quit the agency, I think.

It's all for the best though because now we have Ms. J (no, not that one). I really like her. She might be our age, but I haven't asked. Playette is always clean and fed and happy when we come home and I haven't noticed anything missing yet, not that I expect to. She takes care of our precious cargo and I hope she feels that we treat her accordingly. I'd love for her to stick around as long as we do here.

So, tonight we're traveling um, a little out of our way, to see Batman on IMAX. BD has seen it already, not that that means anything. I have to see it too (I guess). And, apparently, I have to see it BIG. You know, so I don't miss anything. I heard they serve good food at the theater so you know I'll survive.

And, oh yeah, my child eats paper. Like, loves the stuff. Like, I have to pry it from her fingers after she's crossed the room to get to it and then do a mouth sweep while she cries. How it's better than food, I'll never know. Maybe that's how Playette is maintaining her trim physique and I should take notes. Our directions to tonight's destination were her most recent snack.

As a final note, at this morning's strength training session, the Bootcamp instructor suggested to the class that we keep some Advil handy because we may be in that much pain tomorrow. If that sounds like fun to you, let me know...we're allowed to bring guests over the next few weeks.

Looking Back

In case you didn't know already, I've been going to Bootcamp fitness classes. I've got 5 weeks down, 4 to go, in this session. I'm not getting skinny or anything, so keep your expectations in check. But I am getting up at 0530 3 days a week and that's something pretty spectacular for this chick. We run and jump and lunge and get gritty on the beach...and we crunch and lift and sweat and complain...well, maybe that last one is just me.

One thing I realized yesterday that just smacked me upside the head was that I'm the biggest lady in the class. Yup, me. I don't know what that says about the other participants *cough*skinny heffas*cough*, but I know how that makes me feel and "not good" is a pretty concise description. I'm the one they look at and say to themselves, "Well if she's lifting 15, I should be lifting at least 25."

HOWTHEHECKDIDTHISHAPPEN?!

Didn't I used to inspire people to do better in other ways? Kinda sorta? Hmph.

Anyway, so earlier today I went back to this site I used to go to when I had a few lbs to lose since I thought that maybe tracking my caloric intake would be a good thing to do. Check out what I found:

Monday, October 30, 2006

What Day Is This Again?

I felt nauseated all day today. And hungry. No, make that HONGRY!

I didn't want to be at work and when I finally made it through the day, I came home and crawled in the bed.

I did get up and go to class though. Good thing I've got consistency on my side. The workout did make me feel better and so did a good dinner.

Problem is...I'm still hungry. This sucks.

That made me laugh. Poor Crittle. Fighting to lose weight and all I could do was think about food and sleep and feel guilty for not going to work out more often. If only that me knew that she was like 5 weeks pregnant. Maybe I wouldn't have been beating myself up so much.

Before you start thinking crazy, I'm totally not preggo. Yeah, so nothing but my greed and slowing metabolism to blame this on. I guess I'm just thinking that sometimes I (we?) need to lighten up and give myself (ourselves?) a break. Sometimes the circumstances do make a difference. And, like pregnancy, they won't last forever.

I guess putting down the Entenmann's wouldn't hurt either.

Entenmann's can be literal or figurative. I've got Entenmann's on all sides it seems. I'm going actually try to take my head out of the sand and face these demons head on. This could get interesting.