Monday, August 4, 2008

Looking Back

In case you didn't know already, I've been going to Bootcamp fitness classes. I've got 5 weeks down, 4 to go, in this session. I'm not getting skinny or anything, so keep your expectations in check. But I am getting up at 0530 3 days a week and that's something pretty spectacular for this chick. We run and jump and lunge and get gritty on the beach...and we crunch and lift and sweat and complain...well, maybe that last one is just me.

One thing I realized yesterday that just smacked me upside the head was that I'm the biggest lady in the class. Yup, me. I don't know what that says about the other participants *cough*skinny heffas*cough*, but I know how that makes me feel and "not good" is a pretty concise description. I'm the one they look at and say to themselves, "Well if she's lifting 15, I should be lifting at least 25."


Didn't I used to inspire people to do better in other ways? Kinda sorta? Hmph.

Anyway, so earlier today I went back to this site I used to go to when I had a few lbs to lose since I thought that maybe tracking my caloric intake would be a good thing to do. Check out what I found:

Monday, October 30, 2006

What Day Is This Again?

I felt nauseated all day today. And hungry. No, make that HONGRY!

I didn't want to be at work and when I finally made it through the day, I came home and crawled in the bed.

I did get up and go to class though. Good thing I've got consistency on my side. The workout did make me feel better and so did a good dinner.

Problem is...I'm still hungry. This sucks.

That made me laugh. Poor Crittle. Fighting to lose weight and all I could do was think about food and sleep and feel guilty for not going to work out more often. If only that me knew that she was like 5 weeks pregnant. Maybe I wouldn't have been beating myself up so much.

Before you start thinking crazy, I'm totally not preggo. Yeah, so nothing but my greed and slowing metabolism to blame this on. I guess I'm just thinking that sometimes I (we?) need to lighten up and give myself (ourselves?) a break. Sometimes the circumstances do make a difference. And, like pregnancy, they won't last forever.

I guess putting down the Entenmann's wouldn't hurt either.

Entenmann's can be literal or figurative. I've got Entenmann's on all sides it seems. I'm going actually try to take my head out of the sand and face these demons head on. This could get interesting.


sheree said...

oh girl- you and I are one in the same! In fact, my big ole butt is going to try and go to the gym WAY too early tomorrow morning and I am not looking forward to it. I saw some pics of myself this weekend and I was not thrilled, to say the least!

However, I do agree that we should all lighten up and not be so hard on ourselves all the time.

ps-entenmann's is evil.