Thursday, April 30, 2009

Blame It

Do you know who Jamie Foxx is? If not, or if you're really angry at him because of his comments about Miley, feel free to bypass this post.

If you're still reading...

You may have heard his name at least once since he won an Oscar for his lead role in Ray. But if you're not a fan of Hip-Hop(ish)/R&B, then you may not realize that he's also a singer and a musician and a comedian.

He also has a sister with Ds. Her name is Diondra.

I learned this fact back during the Tropic Thunder debate last year. I read how some people were shocked that he would attend the premiere, regardless of his friends being in the movie. Admittedly, my first reaction was also disappointment since here I was with Playette and I had followed Jamie's career for so long. Even when I first saw the preview for his new movie, The Soloist, I had the thought of, "How could he be in a movie with Robert Downey Jr.? The person who uttered the lines that everyone found most offensive?"

Well, I don't know what types of conversations have transpired between those two men. I'll probably never know. But I can't help but think that Jamie loves his sister. I mean, even since then, I've come to understand what point the people behind Tropic Thunder may have been trying to make. It doesn't make me like the idea of immature people going around quoting the movie and possibly hurting a lot of people though. I'm not ok with that at all. All I'm saying is that time has opened my eyes a little more. I've watched shows like "How's Your News?" and enjoyed them. Like, really enjoyed them. I've watched the Perry brothers' "The Trouble with Syndromes" and laughed out loud (and then felt guilty, but then let myself off the hook). Honestly, I call this thing I'm going through a "journey' because it is. I am so far from where I'm going to end up. I'm sure of that. And the reason I'm so sure is because I can't even begin to see my daughter as disabled. She's behind her peers, sure, but I can't imagine her as an adult who is going to face umpteen challenges. I can't picture her as being a "defective instrument." (more on that later)

Granted that stuff I just mentioned is not for everyone, but I can appreciate what they're trying to do.

This post should not be mistaken for a glorification of crude humor or Jamie Foxx in particular. He's just a man. A man who makes a lot of money...and, of course, mistakes. I'm simply fascinated with all things Ds and he crossed my radar today. And, shoot me, I like "Blame It".

So, anyway, Diondra is in his latest video. I caught her dancing around the 2:25 mark and beyond and then at the very end, he can be seen pointing to her and saying what looks to be, "That's my sister."

My friend, Jocelyn, fresh new mama to Baby Dylan, informed me that Jamie is on the Tyra Banks show today and he mentions his sister in the interview. I'll have to set the TiVo to see that.

And at mark 5:07, he thanks her in his Oscar acceptance speech.

So, um, yeah, that's it.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Catching Up

I have a bet going with BD that I can get this post done in 30 minutes. I'll do my best.

Ever since Tricia posted about a great deal on diapers, I've been following Never Pay Retain Again. I've been slacking on my bargain hunting lately, so I got really excited when I saw a post about a promotion at Safeway on Friday. I ended up going twice. The second time was at midnight and I walked away with the following stash for $7.77 and $12 towards my next shopping trip. So I actually made money. Woohoo! I love stuff like that.

Since I spent the wee hours in the grocery store and was so amped I couldn't sleep and then passed out on the couch, I woke up tired on Saturday morning. Which was not ideal since we had a full day planned.

First, I went to kickboxing. Go me. I'm still struggling after skipping the past month.

Then, I took Playette to a Month of the Military Child celebration. There were bounce houses, face painting, bubbles, balloons, and a band. Playette was digging the music. Those girls were impressive (and cute!).

The idea was that I would take her for an hour, come home for her nap, and then head to the evaluation.

That never happened.

Shoot, we spent at least 30 minutes just eating pizza!

It was very worthwhile for other reasons though. There were representatives there from all kinds of organizations that support children so I had the opportunity to speak with someone from Easter Seals as well as a nutritionist from WIC who gave me some tips that may help in increasing Playette's weight which has been plateaued for the last 6+ months (ugh).

Amazingly, with only the car ride time to sleep, Playette did quite well during the eval. I was prepared for a meltdown.

We got started a little late and I was totally on the defensive, but eventually the walls came down and I even apologized to everyone I was throwing shade to since I walked in the door at the end.

The best thing was that I got to speak at length with the center director. She knows Playette since we go there for ST, but since she doesn't work with her regularly, I was able to get a fresh point of view that I could appreciate since she wasn't a stranger and I didn't have to start our story from scratch. The best news is that apparently our Regional Center has just entered a contract with this place and we're now going to work on seeing if Playette can participate in their program on a more regular basis. We could never afford it on our own. We're talking 3 hours/day, 5 days/week for $1500/month.

I almost fell out my chair just typing that.

Add in the fact that we'd still have to take her to daycare and pay for that in full since 3 hours a day just isn't going to cut it with our schedules.

But I like what they're doing there, so I've got my fingers crossed that we can at least get her in for a couple of days a month.

Today, we got up and went to Parents as Teachers, which was great as usual. Playette was all over the room and into everything. She loves it and I'm glad that I have the opportunity to take her to a class with other parents and kids this coming Wednesday.

I'm so, so tired thogh...and tomorrow's the first day that I have to be at work 30 minutes earlier than I have been (doing this will allow me to have every other Wednesday off).

I don't feel like I'm doing what happened this weekend any justice right now so I'll try to elaborate a little more in my next post.

It's all basically related to the IFSP meeting from last week. I need to write a proposal, requesting the types of services that we want to have in place for Playette. I don't want more of the same because I feel like it's pointless, among other things.

That meeting was just a colossal waste of time and instead of sitting in a room and being read to (again) by a group of people that are so being the times it's not even funny and being told what our child can't do even when she really can? Eh. Enough of that. Consider it a lesson learned.

We all know that we're the best advocates for our kids, whatever their needs may be, but sometimes it takes it being put in your face for you to realize that no matter how tired, deflated, emotional, or inexperienced you are, there comes a time when you have to step up and make your presence known. I thought I was doing an ok job up until now. Walking into an IFSP meeting with this particular group of folks and assuming that all is going to go well if we allow them to take the lead simply cannot happen. And it won't. Ever again. This is one area where I can't let laziness take over.

Ok, so that took me 59 minutes. Bah!

I have no idea how that happened.

Sleepy time.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Full Circle

I'm sitting here comtemplating how to handle the IFSP situation I'm currently in and how much I can't stand those people and how they seem to cause more harm than good and how I still haven't written out any of what actually happened...and then I remember that I'm at work.

So, I decide to do some, well, work.

Someone had left a catalog on my desk along with a note instructing me to peruse and let them know what kind of training seminars interest me.

I picked out about 10, being sure to include ones that are good, but coincidentally only offered in cities where my friends live so that I can get a free visit out of it, before my supervisor informs me that she can only authorize local stuff.

Well, boo. That sucks.

I trim my list accordingly and only three courses remain:

- How to Communicate with Tact and Professionalism
(not that I don't, but I'm sure there's room for improvement)

- Dealing with Difficult People

- Managing Emotions Under Pressure

I had to laugh. At this rate, our six-month IFSP review may just go ok after all.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Helpful Hints...and a request

I was just thinking about how while most of the time Playette requires nothing more than any other child her age would require, sometimes we've come across some things that are pretty interesting and helpful in overcoming some of the challenges she's faced.

I've never documented them here, so I'm hoping that maybe this is good info for someone:

Nosefrida - An absolutely disgusting concept with amazing results. We used to use this thing at least every morning. I see now that it's available at some Whole Foods. Yay for no shipping! And, no, we never got boogers in our mouths. Really.

Maroon Spoons - We used these pretty much exclusively when Playette first began eating food. First, we used the small ones and then later, when we saw that her mouth was big enough to handle it, we moved on to the large size. We still do use the small ones though because they're still good. The idea behind these, as it was explained to me, is that it helps with tongue protrusion. I don't know how accurate that is, but all of the literature says that it's "widely used for working with children who have problems such as poor lip closure, oral hypersensitivity, or tongue thrust. The narrow, shallow bowl of the spoon makes it ideal for feeding therapy." I know that for me it helped me to be conscious of not scraping the food off the roof of her mouth and allow her to work to get it.

Z-Vibe, Nuk Brush - We got these oral motor tools pretty early, back before we moved and when we were still under VA's Early Intervention (PIE) program. Our Service Coordinator was fantastic [Really, she was. So much, in fact, that I just had to stop typing, check to see if I still had her number, and called to say "thank you." I figure the good ones don't hear that enough. She's no longer at that number, apparently.] and set us up with two ST consults ("You can have one every six weeks free of charge," she said) in the four months we were with her. When the ST recommended these two items, over came the Service Coordinator to our house with the request forms all filled out for the purchase. I remember that all I had to do was sign and she put the papers in a addressed and stamped envelope that she stuck in the mailbox steps from our front door. *sigh*

Anyway, the point is that the ST thought that exposing these to Playette early via some easy exercises would be helpful to her in the long run. She didn't like it at first and we, admittedly, weren't super disciplined with the exposure, but these days sometimes we'll pull one out of the cabinet and she'll just put it in her mouth and play around for a while. She probably really likes it now because of the teeth coming in and all, but hey. Whatever works.

EasieEaters Curved Utensils - Either this item or something that resembles it very closely was brought up during our so painful I wanted to stick an EasieEaters Curved Utensil in my eye to take me out of my misery IFSP meeting the other day. I think it's a great idea and we'll give the one they lent us a try after I soak it in bleach for 3 days. Playette understands what the fork and spoon are for and does an ok job at getting some food into her mouth, but she does have some trouble rotating her wrist appropriately. Perhaps this will help. I think I'll buy/order some Boon Benders if all goes well.

Nuby Cups - We bought Target out of these. They worked really after we transitioned from bottle to cup. I had always heard/read of how straws were much preferred over sippy cups because they helped strengthen the mouth muscles and limit tongue protrusion. Again, I'm no expert, but I took that info and ran with it. We started out with the (expensive) Sip Tip Cup. It served it's purpose, I guess, in that she learned how to drink from a straw that way. It's not what I would call convenient though since it's not easy to transport your drinkables without spillage, and the small pieces can disappear easily.

Someone kindly offered us the SRJ Straw Kit, but I haven't used it as much as I should. I should buckle down and buy the DVD already.

Hmmm...I can't think of anything else at the moment. If I do, I'll be sure to post.

And if you have any questions about any of this, ask away. I'll help however I can.


And now for the request:

It's been recommended that we purchase some Nosey Cups so that Playette can learn better how to position her head while drinking and hopefully improve her swallowing (now she tends to tilt her head to her back and whatever is in the cup ends up more on her than in her mouth). I've done the Google thing and I still can't decide which specific ones to get and from where. And the prices are all over the map.

Would you mind sharing your experience with the Nosey Cups? Did you end up liking them? What size did you get? Where did you buy/order them? Any info is greatly appreciated.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Cell Phone Photo Challenge

I was catching up on my blog reading and noticed that Lisa posted a challenge to post photos from your cell phone. I have a crappy phone so I do apologize for the quality, but take take plenty of pictures on it, so I figured this would be fun. It's interesting how these grainy photos can really tell a story.

You already know I like to take goofy self-portraits, so I'm not including any of those. And I'll stick to somewhat recent stuff so that I don't go completely (further) overboard.

Anonymous Vegas blackmail photo. Did I ever blog about that trip? Well, no. No, I didn't.

Part of the case I'm building against my landlord. Our lease promises a gardener. We pay for that. We obviously don't get it.


Reecie the wonder puppy! (She belongs to my aunt.)

What I found outside of my office on my first day of the new job. Very nice.

Hm. Looks like my fears are warranted. I found this sign about a mile from my house.

Evidence that my grandmother's flower arrangement was less than stellar. What a rip-off.

Playette has taken to cleaning lately. She picks up rags, or things that are rag-like, and starts to "clean." She doesn't get that from me.


The beach at sunset yesterday.

Baby Fish Mouth. We had just come from the Farmer's Market and Playette was chowing down on some fried catfish that I bought from the Soul Food Lady.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Back in the Swing of Things

Well, I know we're back at least. The swinging part? Eh. I need more time.

I woke up this morning and I actually felt ok. It was a whirlwind of a weekend, but things went alright overall.

Playette remains an amazing plane rider.

Either that or something's really, really wrong with her. Like her body can't handle the pressure change or the elevation or something. She tends to fall asleep almost immediately after takeoff and stays that way for the duration. Someone needs to do a study on that.

So, yeah, no problems out of her.

We arrived at the Philadelphia airport at about 6:30 Saturday morning. It was a rough flight. The agent that helped me secure the tickets surely thought he was doing me a favor by placing BD right next to me, but no. My husband and I have no problem being apart for 5 hours. So putting us in row 24, in the window and middle seats? Well, we didn't exactly love it. I thought I was going to beak out in a panic about 3 minutes after we took our seats. The back corner of the plane is so not my friend. And then you put a squirming, 98+ degree toddler on me when there's no cool air circulating? Ugh.

But, anyway, we made it safely and that's what really matters. I've mentioned before about my new found pseudo-fear of flying (that seems highly irrational after flying on my own for almost 30 years with no problems), so survival is a good thing. I'll take it.

I had been worried about how Saturday would go for some time. For one, my family that I'd be seeing had never met Playette. Even BD had only experienced a very brief introduction. So, I really didn't know what would happen and I was paranoid. Would they be afraid of her? Would they make rude comments without even realizing it?

The good thing is that none of that happened. Playette won everyone over from the get-go and my family was great with her.

Of course there was other stuff that was less than desirable, but compared to my last trip it was fine.

Playette's outfit for the service came together beautifully.

I even got to see my very good friend Jocelyn again. Remember her from her post? Playette was the size she was in that photo the last time they had seen one another, so them getting some time together was a very cool consequence.

My aunt outdid herself with cooking enough good food to feed a small town while we were there and I'm sure I gained a few pounds just from lemon cake and cream cheese brownies alone.

We arrived home yesterday to a heat wave of sorts. It got up to almost 90 degrees and I was loving it.

Trust me, that never happens here. Which is why hardly anyone has AC. But I was even happy to tough that out. I mean, last night, I walked outside at almost 9 and remembered what it was like to have summer: sitting on the porch talking, enjoying good company...that's what I miss.

And then we had our IFSP meeting today.

Later for that.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Lots of Thoughts

When I take the time to look at the posts in my account, I can't help but see the drafts sitting there, patiently waiting for me to complete my thoughts so that they can be shared with all of you.

I remember those drafts when I read the words of others, most often fellow mamas who are joining me in this journey. Most of them are like me in that this is a trip that wasn't planned, but they're pressing forward and taking time to enjoy the view. There are others, even, that have hearts full enough to welcome even more children in that share the something extra that has brought us all together in the first place.

Because of what we hold in common, we have a lot of the same thoughts, fears, joys, excitements, anxieties, questions.

I want to share some of what's going through my mind. And I will soon. Those drafts deserve as much.

But first, there's life. The doing that comes before the writing.

I really don't want to pack my family up and schlep us all across the country for 48 hours. Really. I don't know what I'm walking into. My hope is that the purpose outweighs the drama and that people recognize what is bringing us all together and respect it.

I'm doing this with the full knowledge that, next week, we will finally have Playette's IFSP. I don't even know what we're in store for then and I'm not prepared at all. Not one bit.

On top of that, I received an email the other day from the place where Playette gets her speech therapy. They were offering complimentary evaluations by an OT, PT, ST, and developmental-type professional. Me being me, I called to sign her up.

Shoot, why not? Maybe they can show us something we're missing? Maybe we'll get a pat on the back even? I mean, I think she's been doing great. Using the potty we bought on a whim a few times, walking more, picking up new signs quickly, and all that.

I wouldn't allow myself to think: Maybe it will be a waste of time? Maybe I'll walk out of there in tears, further reminded of what my child can't do?

Well, at least not until right now anyway.

I was upbeat about it even through the phone call I had with the coordinator of the event last night. I told her that if this wasn't intended for "people like us" then she should let me know right away and we'd cancel the appointment. If it's only for parents who are wondering about whether or not their child may have delays and they need assistance in knowing what those may be, then she should tell me because we're already 100% certain that my daughter has 47 chromosomes, but what we need is a fresh perspective that's been pretty hard to find in this small town. So could she give me that? Could 30 minutes with strangers give me what I was lacking?

I think I may have scared her a little with my bluntness. We still have the appointment, but I won't get my hopes up too high.

She had asked if they could see previously completed evaluations and I said no, that I didn't want someone's impression of my child 8 months ago to influence what they think next Saturday.

You know what I imagine that phone call felt kinda like? Like when you know someone doesn't want you somewhere, but they don't have the balls/right to tell you no, so you go/stay and have a great time.

Like when we used to live in Texas when I was a little girl. I remember these men standing on the side of the road on Sunday mornings when we'd be driving home from church. My mother would pull over, because they were waving cars to do just that. And then those men would get all flustered and she would laugh and drive off while telling me after I asked what happened that those men were recruiting for the KKK.

I know it's not as serious as that, but that's honestly what came to my mind.

You sent us an invitation, we're coming to the party.

If it was an accident? I bet you'll do a better job of editing your guest list next time, huh?

Which reminds me of something that's been bothering me all day. I mean really has my heart hurting in that ball-in-the-pit-of-my-stomach kind of way. Which makes no literal sense, but you know what I mean.

I read today about a little girl. So pretty, so sweet in the way that her mother describes her. Well, she's being treated unfairly in an organization in which she's a part. An organization well known for empowering young girls. They're not letting her participate with the rest of the girls her age, which is something that she's very able to do. They've turned it into a clique that she's not a part of. And I'm angry about it. At best, they treat her patronizingly. And this sweet girl knows it.

I've mentioned this before: I can tell my daughter what it's like to be a woman and have to deal with what comes along with that. I can tell my daughter about some of what she'll face as a Black woman, even. But I don't have anything that's considered a disability. I don't know what that's like. And I don't know if being a woman and/or being Black is going to make that even harder for her.

I don't know what to do. I don't have an answer other than to want to wish it away.

But I know enough to be angry at how unfair it all is. And I know to write and try to express how I'm feeling. And I know enough to let that fellow journey-trekking mama know that I care.

I want to tell my baby girl, and hers too, whatever will allow them to come to the party anyway and have the time of their lives. I want them to drive off laughing while they wait for the other people to get over themselves and learn that we're all in this together.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

This is Me...Then

Remember when Jennifer Lopez was all "Ben Affleck is the love of my life and I'm so blissfully rich and happy and beautiful and - oh, did you see my honkin' engagement ring? - by the way, I've got a new album coming out and, no, it won't win any awards or anything, but I'm soooo happy - have I told you that already? - and it's all about my life at this point in time. Go buy it."?

Maybe I'm the only one that remembers that mess, but my point is that J.Lo was all, "I want to look back at this point of my life later and blah blah blah."

Oh, I don't know. She said something.

But really, what I took away from it was that when you've moved on to another phase of your life, sometimes it's good to be able to look back and see the person you were before. It allows you to see how far you've come. And even if you didn't make the best decisions or wear the nicest outfits, or have what was considered stylish hair, that was you at that point in time and it helped you to get where you are at the "today" that you're in.

Perhaps I'm giving the lady too much credit, but that's what I remember. She probably meant nothing like that and it really was a crappy choice for an album CD mp3 compilation title regardless, but it stuck in my head for all these years until I could finally put it to good(?) use as a blog post title.

Now if only I could leave that memory here and instead save something else meaningful in my brain like where I lost my bluetooth headset 6 months ago.

The reason this is even coming up is because I'm seeing folks whose blogs are in my reader post their photos of themselves just as they are today. The challenge is to just show yourself without primping, heavy on the realness. No grabbing a comb, a clean shirt, a shower, or some lip gloss. Just you in the moment.

I felt pretty fortunate that I have on a turtleneck today and you can't see my extras, so I gave it a try.

Pretty tame, really. Aside from me needing a haircut and my eyebrows done, I'm ok with it. You can't see my tan pants and the reason why I refuse to go to Target until I have gone home and changed clothes first, but you can see my window. I love my window.

I have an office.

With a window.

*passing out*

If only I had taken a photo of my previous work conditions. Then you would fully understand my excitement.

Anyway, so because I don't know the meaning of just doing something and being done with it, here are the poses that didn't win Grand Supreme:




All Tongue

And, yes, I am aware that I watch too much Toddlers & Tiaras, thankyouverymuch.

Oh! And I've had that plant for less than a week and it's almost dead. Sadly, that's not a record.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Highly Recommend It

No one is home but me.

I just danced all over the office to Brickhouse.

My theme song sucks.

I feel like I've gone from this to this.

And that's why I haven't been writing.

You ever feel like that?

I mean, I love that people read what I write. Really, I do.

But some things I can't talk about, or choose not to talk about, and then there are times like now when things kinda suck all the way around and I'm all, "No one wants to read about how you went to the ER. Again."

For me, y'know, it doesn't even feel like complaining so much as it just feels like life. I have a lot on my shoulders right now. Pressure. Weight.

I don't feel like I'm allowed to be sad or even emotional in general. I'm scared that if I let more than one tear fall while I'm in the shower that I will end up in a padded cell somewhere.

And sometimes even that sounds like it would be a nice, relaxing break.

The funny thing is though? What I'm typing now sounds familiar. I've read it elsewhere. And I've told those people, "It'll be ok."

That's one of the great things about blogging.

People show and tell you that you're not alone.

And maybe you are crazy, but there's someone else that's just as crazy and can relate and even fool everyone they know into believing that they're totally functional which then gives you the power to think that you, too, can get through it.

Ok, so writing that really did make me feel better.

Because I know you're out there.

Sunday, April 12, 2009


- Playette woke up way too early. I somehow convinced her to sleep in with me.

- I ignored the fact that I hadn't been to Kickboxing in two weeks and continued to sleep.

- I had tortellini and pesto for breakfast.

- My mother showed up.

- I had a run/walk/vent session with FNPT.

- I looked for handkerchiefs online.

- I learned that the ideal handkerchiefs are hard to find and/or quite expensive to purchase in bulk.

- I realized that I had no idea what proper attire is for a toddler at a Memorial Service.

- I got upset and cried over all the things that seem to be happening all at once that I don't know how to "fix." Things that include, but are unfortunately not limited to, whether or not to change Playette's daycare room, a more frequently unreliable respite worker, new job anxiety, conflicts with our landlord, etc.

- I wanted to get out of the house so off to the outlets we went.

- I enjoyed some In-N-Out for lunch, topped off with a milkshake. Felt a little better.

- I finished the first chapter of The Memory Keeper's Daughter in the car.

- I picked out some shoes.

- I laughed because Playette refused to walk in one pair. It was like she was stuck in one place.

- We watched her walk in two other pairs and subsequently bought those. I'm still confused over whether or not Playette is "ready" to wear these yet though. Ugh.

- I found a dress. And a shrug. Very cute. Appropriate?

- I bought boring, yet necessary, socks.

- I read Silly Sally at least 5 times. At least. And I love when I get to "tickle Neddy Buttercup" every single time.

- I finally convinced Playette that going to bed is not the enemy.

- I'm writing my first obituary.

- I may eventually get to eat dinner.

Friday, April 10, 2009

The Actual Flashback

Ok, so this sounded like an easy project at first. I would ease my way back into blogging by posting a few photos of Playette.

Simple, right?


1. The scanner at home was broken (translation: I didn't know why it wasn't working.)

2. The color scanner at work was unplugged and stashed in a corner. I still don't know what that was about.

3. As I mentioned before, my husband wasn't trying to let me get on the computer at 10pm to blog last night after he "fixed" the scanner.

4. And then after I begged him and he finally scanned in this year's photos, I realized that, well, I didn't exactly have one from last year in my possession. I know I used to have one.

So, being the resourceful lady that I am, I went into my sleeping child's shrine room and took what I needed off of the wall.

I don't know how she feels about having her photos all over her bedroom walls, but that's where they are. I guess I never gave it a lot of thought before now. It seemed cute when I did it.


Ok, I'm going to stop myself right now because I really don't need to get ideas about redecorating because I know myself and that would only turn into a bigger mess and no one would win. Seriously. No one.


I took the big ole 10x13, framed, three pose, "New Mom Sucka Special" off the wall.

I took it to the scanner attempted to ignore my husband while he blah blah blahed about how it was too big to fit on the scanner and I needed to give it up already and got about 43% of the picture loaded so that I can share it with you all.

I am so proud of myself I can't even tell you.

And I think my child just now signed "read" and "together" for the first time.


Playette, Spring 2008

'member me?


I'm back.

I've been on the west coast since Tuesday night, but I think I'm still recovering from the trip. I'm overwhelmingly tired.

And then there's work. Today's my last day at this job and Monday is my first day at the next.

My grandmother remains in a state of decline, but my aunt informed me today that when she told her last night that it was ok to let go, my grandmother's reply was, "Uh uh." In a sad situation, that kinda made me smile though I wish I knew what to do. I'm kinda at a loss. Is there something we're not doing for her that she needs? Perhaps she's waiting on my (deceased) mother to "come and get" her?

My mother's always late.

I wanted to do a Flashback Friday today, but my dear, sweet BD wouldn't let me have my way with the computer last night. He was acting as if I would stay on the computer all night instead of coming to bed. I mean, seriously. Who does that?


So instead, I will break it up into two posts so that I can finish doing what I need to do when I get home this evening.

First, we have Playette's 2009 daycare pics:

The one that cracked me up and reminded me of a pageant pose.

My favorite. Tongue, drool, and all.

I can't get over how grown up she looks! Just wait 'til you see the comparison...

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Thank you

I've never attempted to post from my Blackberry before, but I figured it was worth a try so that I could let you all know how much I appreciate your very kind words.

I arrived in Philadelphia at about 6am local time after traveling through the night. I was fortunate to have been looked kindly upon by a gate agent at LAX and been given a first class upgrade, just for asking nicely. I was especially grateful to have additional comforts since I've been sick (again) all week.

I got here in time to see my grandmother. It's such a hard thing to go through right now. She hasn't seen me since October 2005 and the reasons for that are still not something I can even begin to explain. And I'm trying not to focus on that right now because that's not why I'm here, but it's easier said than done. I'm trying to focus on the positives.

My grandmother knows I'm here and if that makes it any easier for her to let go, then I am grateful.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Rough Day

Unfortunately, I just received news that my grandmother is not doing well at all. I'll be heading to DE this evening. I hope I arrive in time to say goodbye.

She's never met my baby and that makes me so, so sad.

Anyone who knows my grandmother, loves her. She's always accepted my friends as part of the family, opening her heart and home to everyone. This is a pretty crappy effin' day.

I'm not sure when I'll be back. My flight is set for Tuesday, but it's really hard to say.

I need a hug.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Nah, but that's what lt I was thinking.

There was a comedian from back in the day who used that line in his act all the time. I was reminded of that the other day.

Let me set the scene:

It's school photo pickup day at daycare and I take a break from work and to run over to make my selections. BD was picking Playette up at around the same time so that he could take her to ST, but he politely declined from taking on the task of picking pictures. He's a smart man.

Anyway, so there's this long table in the room. The photo hustlers ask you your child's name and then bring a packet over to you filled with $8,794 worth of photos for you to choose from, along with a price sheet that is more confusing than it needs to be so that they can get you appropriately loopy and stick you for your papers.

I remembered when these photos were taken a few weeks ago and I was prepared to be unimpressed at at least and get a good laugh out of it at best. I had done Playette's hair up that morning and dressed her nicely, full well knowing that her outfit would be ruined by breakfast and her hair wouldn't be far behind. I packed a second nice outfit, but told her provider that I had low expectations and not to go out of her way to try and make my child look "perfect."

I remember being a kid and getting yelled at for my barrette not being turned the right way in my second grade picture, being forced to wear a horribly uncomfortable party dress in my third grade portrait that was taken at the end of the day (after recess) and getting in trouble for messing that one up, and then failing miserably at trying to recreate my seventh grade picture without my mother knowing because I knew she wouldn't like the way the original one turned out.

So, yeah, I was trying to be very relaxed about the whole thing because I know I'm prone to Picture Day Psychosis.

Gosh, I have a hard time telling a quick story, don't I?


I'm looking at the pictures that they displayed for me.

Aww, they're kinda cute! And I did laugh. In one, she's super posey and reminds me of something I've seen before.

As I'm going back and forth, trying to make a decision, keeping in mind that I really don't want to spend a fortune on this, another mother walks up. I know her face, but I can't remember from where. When her photos are brought over, I realize that she's the mom of the little boy that loves Playette. I mean loves.

He gets excited to see her every morning and gives her lots of hugs. I don't know what it is. He's bigger than Playette too, and I don't think he realizes that he's a lot stronger and more stable on his feet than she is. Regardless, I know he means no harm and it's cute so I let them have their moments even

Well, so this nosey mom glances over at Playette's photos and goes:

"She's all tongue, isn't she?"


Who says that?

So, I'm all:

"Well, at least she doesn't have scabies."


Ok, so I didn't.

But that's what I was thinking.

What I really said was:

"Yup, tongue and drool."

And I was ok. Which is great. For me.

Sure I thought she was rude and classless, but I didn't take it to heart. I honestly have shed no tears over this incident. Yay, me!

So my daughter has a small mouth and therefore her tongue protrudes. We're working on it and one day it won't. Do I wish that people would shut up about it already? Sure, I do. But I can't control their lack of home training. Seriously? This comment comes up all the time. I think people think it's cute? Or something?

I give most folks the benefit of the doubt. They can't possibly know how much it bugs me.

Of course, when it came to this lady, I still had the option of breaking it down to her about Ds (I'm guessing, hoping, that she had no idea of Playette's dx when she said what she did) and making her feel really, really small. I would have been totally within my rights to do so, I think. I just didn't feel like it at that particular time.

One day, I hope to be one of those people that can educate and not just react in an emotional manner, whether it's actual or just in my head. But I never really know what I'm going to do until it happens these days. I'm a little stressed by life in general right now and taking the time to educate the masses in situations such as this is so not on my to-do list.

Sure I have my soapbox issues. But that's my choice, which is what I think is the difference. I can write a post or a letter on my time and I'm typically not being blindsided by ignorance in the midst of it.


And, yes, someone in that room did have scabies a few weeks ago. All I know for sure is it wasn't my kid. And I was disgusted.

I've narrowed the carrier down though, so let's just hope that mom doesn't mess with me again.