Against my better judgment, I consented to having Playette submitted to cognitive testing.
For years, I always felt like I would, and should, give an emphatic "no!" when asked.
And then I caved.
In our last meeting, I was convinced by the team that everything would be fine. It was simply her time to be evaluated and I also recognized that in this state to avoid doing so would mean going through a lot of hoops. And fighting.
I'm just not of the mindset to fight right now.
So, I said yes.
I came home and filled out my part. One online assessment tool and another paper packet that seemed ridiculously obsolete and irrelevant.
Before I get myself all riled up, the point of this post is to share that tomorrow morning I'm going to meet with the school psychologist and learn the results.
Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to it.
I'm not used to asking for help,
but tonight I am. I need coping techniques. I need to know what to do when faced with scores on a paper that try to tell me all my daughter isn't when I know in my heart all that she is.
Do I cry or do I remain stoic?
Do I try to make a joke out of it or do I sit quietly?
I'm guessing that running from the room screaming is out of the question.
I hate this part.
And then there's the feeling that I brought it all on myself. I could've bucked up and said no, but I didn't. And now it's too late and whatever those tests concluded will be in her file forever. This will be the first thing that many people learn about her and base decisions and placement on (even through they shouldn't).
Oh, what a pessimist I am, huh?
For all anyone knows, she may be eligible for Mensa.
That psychologist better have some good tissues in her office. I'm talking extra soft with lotion and everything.
At least that way everything doesn't have to hurt.