Thursday, October 24, 2013

What's the worst that could happen?

I am just a glutton for punishment.

Against my better judgment, I consented to having Playette submitted to cognitive testing.

For years, I always felt like I would, and should, give an emphatic "no!" when asked.

And then I caved. 

In our last meeting, I was convinced by the team that everything would be fine. It was simply her time to be evaluated and I also recognized that in this state to avoid doing so would mean going through a lot of hoops. And fighting.

I'm just not of the mindset to fight right now.

So, I said yes. 

I came home and filled out my part. One online assessment tool and another paper packet that seemed ridiculously obsolete and irrelevant.

Before I get myself all riled up, the point of this post is to share that tomorrow morning I'm going to meet with the school psychologist and learn the results.

Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to it.

I'm not used to asking for help,
but tonight I am. I need coping techniques. I need to know what to do when faced with scores on a paper that try to tell me all my daughter isn't when I know in my heart all that she is.

Do I cry or do I remain stoic?

Do I try to make a joke out of it or do I sit quietly?

I'm guessing that running from the room screaming is out of the question.

I hate this part. 

And then there's the feeling that I brought it all on myself. I could've bucked up and said no, but I didn't. And now it's too late and whatever those tests concluded will be in her file forever. This will be the first thing that many people learn about her and base decisions and placement on (even through they shouldn't).

Oh, what a pessimist I am, huh?

For all anyone knows, she may be eligible for Mensa.

Oh, God.

That psychologist better have some good tissues in her office. I'm talking extra soft with lotion and everything.

At least that way everything doesn't have to hurt.


Michelle said...

I caved when I was in that state too. They told me that in Kindergarten they need to change the "DD" dx to one of the mores specific ones and basically if I didn't allow that particular part of the testing she wouldn't qualify for services. I'm sure that was all wrong; I'm sure they could've qualified her based on their other assessments and not needing those IQ #s, but Joe was deployed and I just didn't have the fight in me either.
The school psych called me the night before the meeting to pretty much give me her results so I was prepared for the mtg. I appreciated that; I was able to cry when we got off the phone and remain stoic in the mtg.
I know you know they are just #s and don't paint a whole picture of M, but I also know that doesn't make it any easier.
Those tests are just not accurate for kids w/ID because they are so standardized and there can be no variation of the responses that are expected. Just try to remain as stoic as you can and just nod a lot and say "ok" "mmhmm" and ask now how are you going to use this info to help her be successful on the ged ed curriculum?

Meg said...

Is it possible for you to call and see if you can get the results before the meeting? Maybe just having a few minutes to go over them somewhere private will allow you to be more productive in the meeting.

I don't think a standardized test can ever truly reflect anyone's abilities. Even if her result's do happen to be fairly accurate, they are only real at this point in time. Even with tons of statistics and facts to back them up, school officials will never be able to accurately predict anything. You know her better than the numbers and percentages on a piece of paper ever will.

As far as the results staying in her academic records forever, in our state we can request records be removed from our kids' school files after a certain time. The request had to be done in writing and the files were viewed at the district office, but we never met resistance when we requested this.

krlr said...

Oh, hell - sending lots of love, hugs, & wine. IQ has never, ever predicated success or happiness. Bring the book she claimed as her own, and scroll thru your pix before walking in. Call/text as needed.

Tia Young said...

Previous readers made awesome comments.
I know that differing Dx's make a difference, but I'm offering my experience:
Having the testing, whether you choose to allow it to remain in the records, whether you choose to ever tell new providers the results, can make a difference in the future. In ways you wouldn't expect.

Here comes a seemingly unrelated story: When I adopted snookums I went to greeeaaaat pains and stress to file social security disability for him, which included independent doc visits, etc. He qualified, then I learned he couldn't collect as long as we receive the adoption subsidy (18th birthday).
I was soo angry and defeated that I had "wasted" my time.
The soc sec lady actually stopped me to say, "no, this is a good thing. When he's closer to 18 you can reopen the case. The info is there, proving he already qualified at age 5. That info may be the difference between support and no support at age 18."

You never know, the info could help with scholarships, summer camps... Anyone with weird, random criterion expectations.

Hope this helps.