For My Next Trick...

I've been quiet again, for good reason.

It's not that I try to be busy. Or that I'm looking to win the Craziest Life Award.

Really, I'd be ok with a little boring normalcy, trust.

So, today, I finished my second week at work. I can't really say second full week because week one got a late start due to the hurricane that came through this area and then week two started with a holiday. Add to that the fact that we got out early last Friday and I had to take off at noon today and I'm really not looking forward to the whole five-day, forty-hour work week thing.

To back up a little bit, after the earthquake and the hurricane (we evacuated for 3+ days, but our house was pretty much untouched), I started work and then BD left for Norway.

Norway.

Like, 6-hour time difference Norway.

I have been one super-tired mama.

School did start in the midst of all of that, too, but since we decided to keep Playette at her current school full-time and out of the district entirely, it truly felt like any other day. I really did think about the whole cute outfit and picture thing, but, yeah. That didn't happen. It was more like, "Pre-K! Yay! Ok, see you later."

BD got home late last night. I know this because at some point, I woke up gasping for air, in a state of fear-shock because someone was in my bedroom, and about 10 seconds later, I recognized him.

It was a long ten seconds.

I was really out of it though. I had been feeling bad for about 24 hours at that point, so I think I grunted my muted version of "Babe, I missed you soooo much! Welcome home! Muah, muah, muah!" and went back to sleep.

We talked some in the morning, but not much. I was rushing and he was getting Playette ready since he didn't have to go in to work.

That. Felt. Awesome.

Having help, I mean.

I had missed my parenting partner and dreamed of what mornings would be like with two of us to split the workload.

Anyway, I went to work, suffered through the morning, and finally realized that what was going on with my body could be classified under Not OK.

I drove myself to the urgent care down the street and by the time I got there, I was walking lopsided. When I got to the desk, I broke down in tears.

That was a very bad idea.

Because the stabbing pain in my chest then got way worse and I couldn't breathe or talk.

That's one way to skip the line.

Not that there was one, but still. I had kinda made myself top priority, regardless.

Diagnosis: Walking Pneumonia

This really hurts, yo.

I'm down for the weekend.

Let's hope that's it.

The killer irony in all of this is that I've been placed in a trailer at work for the next year during a remodel. I've been smelling an odor in there and inquired about it right away, based on my past upper-respiratory issues and all I've heard about these things being death traps. I told my boss yesterday that I wasn't meaning to be a pest right out the gate, but that it would really suck if I started getting stabby chest pain and ended up out of work for a week right away. I was poo-poo'd because, you know, Air Quality Tests cost money, and told to come back to them if I had symptoms.

That last convo I had with someone in an official capacity about the topic was this morning.

Right before I left for urgent care.

I think, come Monday, I win.

How bad, exactly, would it be to quit before I get my first check?

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And, before I totally forgot, another one to add to that last post: I love how Playette sings and signs songs on the radio. It's super cute. But the one that's currently slaying me is a less-pop'y tune, her old standby fave. When she gets to the third line, she signs it like "Happy Birthday deer _________."

When those two hands go up to her head? Hilarious.

Not that I can laugh right now. Or cough. Or move.

Back to sleep I go.

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Oh, and thank God, again, for ASL. It hurts to talk so I'm signing more. What's funny, too, is that BD had to use Playette as an interpreter this evening. I signed "hurt" and he was all, "huh? help?" so I finger spelled "H..." He says, "F?" Oh jeez.

My baby saved me.

I Don't Trust My Brain

So I'll place this here to remember...

I love the way that Playette creates her own signs for people. Unlike typical names signs, given by someone who is deaf/hearing impaired and based on a characteristic of the person being "named", hers are almost rhymes instead.

Her former babysitter, Christy, became "Thirsty." Even though she can say something close to Christy, she'd also sign thirsty while saying it.

That was the first time I recall her doing that with names. She would substitute rhyming-word signs from time to time if she didn't know the appropriate word, and once she used a homophone (principal for principle), but the name thing really intrigued me.

These days, she consistently uses the sign for "pretend" when referring to our friend, Jen. I guess she figures it's close enough. It really has nothing to do with anything Jen has ever done to or around her.

One day, a few weeks ago, after a day spent out with BD, I asked Playette what they did. She signed pretend and baby. I then asked BD, "Did you go to Jen's and see the baby without me?!"

That they did.

Which is really cool, I think. (Not that I didn't want to see the baby.) She's communicating in a way she never has before.

Her new buddy, K, has been assigned the sign for pillow.

I'm actually thrilled to have figured this out, finally, because I could NOT, for the longest time, figure out why she was signing pillow so much.

Yesterday, while talking to BD, I asked Playette to tell her daddy what we did the night before. She signed pillow and ice cream.

Yup, we went with K and his mom to get frozen yogurt.

Now, she is babbling all through this (or is "using jargon" more appropriate?). She's not only using the signs, but also speaking. I just can't always understand her 100%. Some words are clearer than others.

Hopefully, one day, we'll get Speech Therapy again and maybe some help clearing this up some will follow.

But, in the meantime, she's getting her point across, and using her brain in creative ways, and it's awesome.

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Oh! And before I forget this one, too, I love how she signs cat for her great-grandparents' dog, Pepper. She'll say Pepper and knows for a fact that Pepper is a dog. She's not confused at all about that.

It's just that Pepper is a schnauzer with a hairy face that reminds her of whiskers.

Like cats.

BOOM!

That there is the sound of synaspes firing.

And thennnn....

1. Ok, so she totally came home with a huge whole in the side of her brand new dress. I wasn't mad, but damn. Was she trying to ruin it just to make me look foolish?

Totally fixable and probably wouldn't even be noticeable if it were sewn by anyone other than yours truly. Me? I'll probably make a mess out of it using a hotel sewing kit.

2. Thank you so much to all who left comments on the behavior situation. It really means a lot and I find your feedback helpful. Just knowing that I'm not alone in this is huge.

That reminds me of something..."behavior" was a topic that was never addressed in the sharing session of moms of 3-5 year-olds at the NDSC conference. My biggest gripe about the weekend was that time period. We essentially spent the entire 1.5 hours introducing ourselves, which helped no one. Wouldn't it have been great if this type of thing could have been explored instead? Or any of the other 15 or so things that people said they'd like to talk about? Ugh.

I think it's important that when we have golden opportunities like that, with just us moms (not friends and therapists, like what they allowed this past time - no offense to the supporters), that we seize the chance to talk about the real stuff, the nitty-gritty, the "my special angel isn't acting like such a special angel anymore and I'm no longer feeling like such a special chosen parent to my very special kid" type stuff. (gag @ all the specialness of it all)

We all know that we all love our kids. If we didn't, chances are high that we wouldn't even be at an event like that, y'know? We probably don't need to spend the entire time telling each other that we love our kids.

Obviously, I'm frustrated. It feels so big right now that we missed it. We really missed it in that room that day.

I'm thinking of all the other moms who left that room not getting what they needed, moms with issues that might have been more hearty than my own, and it's breaking my heart.

When are they going to get their chance? Do they spend another 1, 3, 30 years feeling like they're failing?

I hope they're able to find the support they need.

Thankfully, I have you all.

3. And, uh, the weather and seismic activity around here is pissing me off because I don't know how to deal with it. Especially not all at once.

When More is More

Today, the Littlest decided that she'd spice it up a bit.

Maybe she's trying to remind me of what things will be like for me when I go back to working full-time outside of the home next week.

I pulled a new dress out of her closet this morning for her to wear. It was one of those moments where you have to weigh out the pros and cons...

Yes, if she wears this, it may get messed up during the school day.

But, if she doesn't, it may end up being one. more. thing that gets outgrown with the tags still on it.

I threw caution to the wind. We'll see how that turns out.

But here's the thing, much like the participants in any number of makeover shows, once she had that new dress on, her whole demeanor changed.

She went into her closet and grabbed her laptop.

Then she went into my closet and snagged a purse.

Partner those with her (old) glasses and she was ready to go.




I hope that I'm half as put-together on Monday.

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I cried at drop-off today. I couldn't help it. It was just a few tears, but I couldn't hold them in.

The teacher, who I appreciate very much, was telling me about some of the behaviors that Playette has been exhibiting lately.

Now, I had heard the other teacher mention some things yesterday during pick-up, but I think she was trying to spare my feelings a little too much and kind of acted like things weren't as bad as they are.

The morning lady (they work together in the room for most of the day) was a little more blunt. Which was fine. It's just that I guess that I've been living in a bit of a fantasy lately. I mean, I have this kid who has been just...nice...for so long and hearing that she's pushing and hitting other children? Ugh.

I understand that her chronological age does not match her developmental stage, but still. I thought we got the "terrible twos" thing last year. Apparently not. That was just a preview. She's exhibiting that sort of behavior now in the classroom and I realize that I'm not taking it well because I really, really want her to just be.

Do you know what I mean?

I don't want her to stick out (more).

I don't want her to become a problem.

I want everyone to wish that they had her in their classrooms.

It's that thing about being different already and not really wanting to give her the leeway to be the same as other children in that kind of way.

While it's fine for any other child to have behavioral issues attributed to the stage they're in, for a kid that's already set apart, it's just another strike in my mind.

It's kinda like me not being able to be relaxed in college about breaking a rule....there was no one that anyone could confuse me with as I was virtually the only Black female for most of the time I was there.

So, yeah, it's deeper than "we don't hit" for me.

It's more like, "Please, baby, be nice to your friends today, ok? Be on your very best behavior, alright? Look at me. Can you do that for mama? Please? No, really, I'm serious. Look at me. Do you understand? We're nice to our friends. Hands are not for hitting. Let's use our words today. Look at me. Tell me you understand. Ok? Can you promise me that you'll be the best girl today?"

Ugh.

That is so unfair. I know that.

But that's real life.

Snippets

I believe that I owe you all another video. Not that anyone's asking for one, but I kinda prefer telling the school stories "in person" now. That saves me a heck of a lot of writing, for one. Yesterday and today, there were some new developments. And I'm proud of myself.

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On Saturday, I had a commitment with the Navy Reserve. As I've mentioned before, this is not a frequent occurrence, but this summer, there seems to be a lot more going on than usual. In fact, I have meetings this coming weekend as well.

So there I am, early in the morning, putting on my khakis, and Little Miss Possessive herself (no, really, she doesn't want servers to take away our plates, people to come too close with their carts in the grocery store, or luggage handlers to take our bags in the airport) starts giving me the "No! No! No! No!" complete with hand gestures. I'm wondering what in the world I've done to get this treatment and then she says, "Daddy's pants!"

Ah, yes. Of course. She thought I was stealing her dad's clothes since this is what she always sees him wear and never sees me wear.

Smart kid.

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We went to the ENT last Friday for a follow-up to the sleep study. Apparently, her episodes were extremely insignificant. No T&A or CPAP for her, for now. We go back in December.

That reminds me. It's about that time to start scheduling the next round of appointments. We haven't been to the Cardiologist since moving here so I think that visit should get some priority. Hopefully, it'll be just as uneventful as our past visits have been. But it is always nerve-wracking to go to someone new. Who knows if they'll agree with the other doctors? What if they want to do something we're not expecting?

Ugh. Why did I just go there? Borrowing trouble.

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Playette got new glasses when we were in San Antonio and the lenses are finally in. So stinkin' cute. I like them so much better than the sports goggles on her. I guess now you want a pic, huh?

All the ones I have in my phone are blurry. I'll work on getting a clear shot posted soon.

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In the meantime, here she is this morning, sans glasses, after deciding that she was more than ready to head out to school. She grabbed the garage door opener and the car keys, along with my sunglasses that she promptly placed in the headband position. Good thing I was right behind her because the garage door was up and she was out and at the driver's side door in no time. I guess she thought she'd do the driving today.

Monday Night Football

BD may be in the living room checking out the pre-season game, but I'm totally getting a kick out of watching this instead:



I love how he tells her to "rub some dirt on it" regarding her "injury."

No wonder she's a brute!

Goings On

You know, I seem to dip in and out of this space a lot lately, but, truthfully, it's summer. And I don't want to look back and say that we didn't live it up when we had the chance, y'know?

So we've been doing just that. And so I'm behind on my emails and phone calls and posts. But that's what winter's for, right?

Know that I won't quit you though, k? I mean, even at the times that I start to think that this blogging this doesn't really mean anything to anyone but me, I get confirmation that what I write matters to someone. Even if it's just one, it's one. And that means a lot to me. So here I am.

There's been quite the activity in the Ds community lately.

First, and most importantly, there was the NDSC Conference in San Antonio, TX, last week. I can't say enough about it. Where else can you spend 4-5 days in a resort setting and hang with a bunch of people that just get it? And then you eat, dance, laugh, cry, learn, speak, and listen. It's pretty awesome.

This was our third time attending. We went to Sacramento and Orlando and it would take something massive to keep us away from DC next July. So get your bags ready and start setting aside your allowance, y'all. It's worth it.

We didn't take a camera, but thankfully others did. I'll either share some pictures here soon or provide a link to where you can see them. Playette was quite the poser so she made it into lots of shots.

Oh! While we were there, we had the chance to go to Morgan's Wonderland and I'm so, so glad that we did. A theme park that utilizes inclusive practices? Bonus.

I loved seeing our friends and friends that have become like family. The only thing that blew was that it didn't last longer. But it gave me hope and the strength to continue to fight the good fight.

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Good thing, huh, cause in the midst of all of that warm-fuzziness, there came word of the whole The Change-Up controversy.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...just because you can be a jerk doesn't mean that you should be.

If it's "just words" then why is it so hard to make the switch? It's a matter of respect. And if you can't respect my kid, I can't respect you.

That's the nicest, most concise way I can put it.

If your friends, family members, or co-workers still don't get it, fell free to forward them this.

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And then there's this story.

Um. Well.

You may be surprised at my reaction, but I don't think he should play.

To me, that's the definition of treating him special-special.

I'm not a fan of special-special.

One thing I learned from the conference session on inclusive practices is that we can't have it both ways. We can't want for our kids to be treated just like everyone else and then not want them to be treated just like everyone else when it doesn't feel good.

Inclusion, to me, means that everyone is together and supports are provided when necessary. In my mind, it's not that we get the best of all possible outcomes at all times.

I admit, my kid is four. I have a long way to go and my thought process is certainly skewed by my limited experience in the land of Special Needs Parentdom.

I also admit that I don't always take road less traveled. Some days are hard enough as it is and I welcome a break. Any break.

So when someone offers Playette a special pass for free admission to the zoo, I will probably accept on her behalf. See? I'm not perfect. Perhaps that even makes me a little hypocritical.

But I'm not going to be mad at the zoo if we go and they don't offer Playette a free ticket. Because no one else gets free tickets. Does that make sense to anyone but me?

Help is nice, sure. But it's not a given.

So I guess if they had decided that Brett couldn't suit up, but could still do some stuff with the team (which it sounds like may now be the case), then I guess I could be convinced to be ok with that. But I don't like our kids treated like mascots. And I don't think that they should be allowed to break rules courtesy of the extra chromo.

When I was a kid and used to say, "That's not fair!" one of my parents would always reply, "Life's not fair."

Maybe that's why I'm cold-hearted. Or a realist. Or whatever.

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But back to the happy-happy-joy-joy! Washington, DC. July 20-22. Come early or stay late. Just be there.

We'd love to see you.