Wednesday, August 24, 2011

When More is More

Today, the Littlest decided that she'd spice it up a bit.

Maybe she's trying to remind me of what things will be like for me when I go back to working full-time outside of the home next week.

I pulled a new dress out of her closet this morning for her to wear. It was one of those moments where you have to weigh out the pros and cons...

Yes, if she wears this, it may get messed up during the school day.

But, if she doesn't, it may end up being one. more. thing that gets outgrown with the tags still on it.

I threw caution to the wind. We'll see how that turns out.

But here's the thing, much like the participants in any number of makeover shows, once she had that new dress on, her whole demeanor changed.

She went into her closet and grabbed her laptop.

Then she went into my closet and snagged a purse.

Partner those with her (old) glasses and she was ready to go.

I hope that I'm half as put-together on Monday.


I cried at drop-off today. I couldn't help it. It was just a few tears, but I couldn't hold them in.

The teacher, who I appreciate very much, was telling me about some of the behaviors that Playette has been exhibiting lately.

Now, I had heard the other teacher mention some things yesterday during pick-up, but I think she was trying to spare my feelings a little too much and kind of acted like things weren't as bad as they are.

The morning lady (they work together in the room for most of the day) was a little more blunt. Which was fine. It's just that I guess that I've been living in a bit of a fantasy lately. I mean, I have this kid who has been just...nice...for so long and hearing that she's pushing and hitting other children? Ugh.

I understand that her chronological age does not match her developmental stage, but still. I thought we got the "terrible twos" thing last year. Apparently not. That was just a preview. She's exhibiting that sort of behavior now in the classroom and I realize that I'm not taking it well because I really, really want her to just be.

Do you know what I mean?

I don't want her to stick out (more).

I don't want her to become a problem.

I want everyone to wish that they had her in their classrooms.

It's that thing about being different already and not really wanting to give her the leeway to be the same as other children in that kind of way.

While it's fine for any other child to have behavioral issues attributed to the stage they're in, for a kid that's already set apart, it's just another strike in my mind.

It's kinda like me not being able to be relaxed in college about breaking a rule....there was no one that anyone could confuse me with as I was virtually the only Black female for most of the time I was there.

So, yeah, it's deeper than "we don't hit" for me.

It's more like, "Please, baby, be nice to your friends today, ok? Be on your very best behavior, alright? Look at me. Can you do that for mama? Please? No, really, I'm serious. Look at me. Do you understand? We're nice to our friends. Hands are not for hitting. Let's use our words today. Look at me. Tell me you understand. Ok? Can you promise me that you'll be the best girl today?"


That is so unfair. I know that.

But that's real life.


Me said...

Awww...I so totally relate to this. I hate that "anything" that can be considered a "normal" thing, totally stands out in our kids and it becomes such a negative. See if the teachers can pinpoint what was going on right before she hit or pushed someone, that will hopefully give an answer to why she's doing it. An online friend of mine always says "behaviour is communication". Since our kids can't always effectively communicate like their typical developing peers can, they communicate the best they know how. Maybe she was trying to get a kids' attention, maybe she wanted to play with them and they were ignoring her. Maybe they took a toy from her. Maybe they pushed her first. Maybe she was frustrated that something wasn't working for her. maybe maybe maybe. There could be any number of reasons. Finding out what brought out the behaviour should help to find a solution to curbing it.

Just my thoughts.

And love her style sense. Can she come be my personal shopper?

Not a Perfect Mom said...

I think Playette looks fab..
and I get what you're saying...I may not be at that stage in the game, but still I get it...
and I don't really have any words of encouragement for you...but I bet that Playette remembers your words and will try...

Anna said...

my heart is too self absorbed right now to not feel your pain deeply. We are new to this life. Having our little one is such a delight and SOOOO incredible. Until we walk out the door. THEN the perceptions and labels, and the medical and educational communities get involved. I told a friend yesterday and then posted on my blog, "Having a child with down Syndrome is quite easy. Its when I have to fight tooth and nail about every.single.thing that causes me to feel so out of sorts. {hugs}

Me ;-) said...

I thought the terrible twos end once they turn three. I was corrected a few weeks ago when I observed a little girl at the Peachtree Health and Fitness Expo on her stomach on the floor throwing the worse fit I had ever seen. I said to her mom that the terrible twos were in full effect and I bet she'll be glad when she turns three. Her mom politely told me she was three, almost four and that the terrible twos don't always end at three. Her words made my stomach hurt because we are in the terrible twos and I was so looking forward to the tranquil threes. . .

By the way, I love her new glasses! She looks so cute :-)


Alison said...

This is a powerful post. It's hard to create a world that is safe for our kids when, in fact, it's a world that is often hostile in multiple, intersecting ways.

But I do think Playette has the right to throw a fit and to be just a kid in the world! I keep trying to remind myself when Maybelle flips out that this is developmentally appropriate.

I love, love, love her going to work gear.

Tara said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean and you communicated it so well. Hugs!

Michelle said...

We see eye-to-eye. Would it help at all if I told you Kayla went through that at preschool? I don't think it ever became an 'issue' or that she was labeled a 'problem-child' but I do remember there was a short phase where it seemed a few times a week they were telling me she was pushing. I remember thinking, "What!? No, not my child!" :) For the exact reasons you mentioned. Heck, she even had a few of those days in 1st grade with a note home saying she hit another student. Sigh ... She'll be fine though, and so will you.

Maybe it's communication issues? Maybe she wants the other kids' attention and that's how she's trying to get it.

sheree said...

I can't tell you how many times I have left a therapy, a play date, WHATEVER- in tears because Gabbers had a little too much Gabitude with her friends. I can't handle it AT. ALL.

(((hugs)) I know all too well how you're feeling and it WILL get better.

IlaBrook said...

I'm standing here in my kitchen bawling like a baby. at 6:30am. And I haven't even started my coffee- thank you very much. :-)

That last paragraph got me. I've had the same dialogue with Andrick (and with the start of a new school in about 10 days, it's become a sort of silent mantra) so many times.... out loud and in my head. Please. Please. Please. Please. Today needs to be the day. Please....

You nailed it, Crittle. Unfortunately, I have no words of wisdom or secret that's going to make it better.... This is our issue.... behavior- it's the bane of Andrick's existence- his achilles heel.

I agree with what Me #1 said..... I believe strongly there's always a reason. That doesn't excuse the behavior but it helps to try to understand the reason. Sheree is right.... it does get better. I haven't experienced it going away but it has gotten better as he's matured.

Love you and miss you so, so much.

krlr said...

You've already rec'd so many great comments but I hear you & I hope it gets better soon. I know the two (DS & behavior) are probably related but I totally get that I don't want there to be one.more.thing., as Anna sd.

Also, love that she's getting "dressed for work" - and that is a FABULOUS dress!