Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Taking a Pause

I've been neglecting this blog and that was so not supposed to happen. I've just been so busy with, well, life, and I guess writing about life has taken a distant second. Now that I mention it, so has talking on the phone, replying to emails, taking walks, reading, etc.

It's just one of those times.

If I'm being totally honest, I've been bummed. Overwhelmed. A little sad.

Most times, Playette's diagnosis doesn't make a whole heck of a lot of difference in our lives. I mean, who can tell anyway when you're used to what you know. We don't have any other parenting experience to compare this one to, so we just...are.

But sometimes...sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I don't want to go through the feelings of having to take off from work during a busy time to drive 65 miles each way to an ENT appointment (where you wait for over an hour and get seen for 5 minutes - UGH!), only to return, drop Playette off, get stressed at work for 3 hours, go back to pick her up from daycare, and then head to the Speech Therapist for a 30 minute appointment doing just the very same thing that you already do at home out of sheer instinct. Bright side: at least that appointment is local.

Sometimes I don't want to be the person who was "chosen" to face additional challenges. Sometimes I don't want to have to wonder all the time about what other people are wondering. Sometimes I don't want to make yet another phone call to the insurance company. Sometimes I don't want to feel bad that every other child has moved on to the toddler room except Playette because, well, she doesn't crawl, let alone toddle.

So, yeah, I'm no saint. There are people out there much better than me. They choose this life and they love every minute of it. They open their hearts and keep giving and loving until - Until. They inspire me as they should us all. Because, seriously, Ds isn't as big of a deal as even I make it out to be in my head during my weakest of moments. I mean, why can't we accept differences and move on? Why does it have to be SO BIG of a thing? It's not really. And the days that I "get it" I'm so much happier.

And then I can move on to regular stuff that makes me sigh. Stuff that typical people sigh about. Like work. And missing my friends. And being distant from my family. And not being able to get that one stain out of the shower. Dammit.

And just so this post is not completely all weepy, there's some good news.

We've only got one appointment this week.

And it's only 30 minutes.

And it's local.

And we've got a great babysitter for 6 hours on Saturday night. Gratis.

Take that, Crazy Life.


sheree said...

((HUGS)) I so know how you feel :) We're allowed to feel like that and have "those" days every once in a while!

I had no idea about the NDSA conference being in Sac!! How cool!

Tricia said...

Some days are just harder than others. Some WEEKS. I hear ya, I really do. And I think WE ALL wish we hadn't been "CHOSEN" when it comes to the sheer drudgery of it. Luckily, it's not all drudgery. But you know that! :)

Jen said...

I think we all, no matter how much we love our kids, wish things were different. That is wasn't so hard. I always feel that way when I'm worried about any outside things; things other than just being with my son and seeing how wonderfully cool he is. It's always when I think about all the appointments, and the hassle, and the insurance, and the explanations, and the stares. All things that are secondary to just holding my kid, reading him a book, putting him to bed. All we can do is keep focused on the kids; not on the rest of the world. Sometimes it's easy. But other times, not so much.